Suicidal Ideation… What is it?
Suicidal ideation is basically recurring thoughts of suicide which can either be passing thoughts or detailed plans. Those who suffer suicidal ideation often do not carry out their plans but it is a risk that no one should take lightly. Many suffer this but seldom talk about it due to the stigma attached to mental illness. They, myself included, also do not want family or friends to feel like it is their fault or to feel helpless because they do not know what to do. Suicidal thoughts can manifest due to many factors including genetics, life situations, and medications. Some medications or certain combinations of medications can actually cause an increase in suicidal ideation.
My Top 5 Songs… that are helping me through suicidal ideation
It is hard enough talking to family, friends, and a therapist about the ever-present suicidal thoughts… But writing a blog post somewhat about it is pretty hard too. Yes, I have depression. Yes, I have anxiety. And yes, I think about suicide multiple times daily. Suppressing such thoughts can be very energy draining. I need all the distractions I can get. Certain songs help create said distractions at various times. I wanted to share this mini list with all of you – if someone else is experiencing the same thing. I hope these songs can help someone like they help me.
- “Still Breathing” by VERIDIA
I have recently been introduced to this song. It was pretty amazing to hear it but even more captivating to watch the music video. The song is about “still breathing” despite hardships and continuous sorrow. The lyrics can be found, here. And the music video can be found, here.
“I know that the sorrow Will come back tomorrow But I’m ready Gonna be grateful
For everything that made me Who I am today Cause I know when it comes, when it goes
It’ll make me stronger When the good times come It’ll all be that much better”
- “Blossom” by Kerli
I wasn’t quite sure about this song when it was first released. The more I listened to it though, it definitely grew on me. Once I paid attention to the lyrics and meaning of the song… It hit home and it has been one of the many songs that help me. Kerli, the artist, took inspiration from real flora and a variety of herbs to make a very relate-able song. Lyrics and Video are here!
“I learned to blossom, finding sunlight in the grey Knowing I will be okay…
Wilted voices ghostly in wind Whispering “this could be the end”
Why are they forgetting me not? Can’t they see I’m hurting enough?
While my roots hid deeper inside And my leaves stay bundled up tight I felt my faith get bigger than life
Not only did I survive… I learned to blossom…”
- “Running with the Wolves” by AURORA
Being around a vast amount of trees, having privacy, and having a lot of animal companions can make me feel at ease. Being without them long-term can make me feel anxious and on edge more often. This song reminds me about getting back to the “wild side” of life, which I imagine is running with your dog through the woods or curling up with your cat in a sunspot. “Running With the Wolves” (in my opinion) is a song about knowing you are stronger than you think and that you will get through this. AURORA’s song is upbeat and catchy as well as calming. I hope you all love it as much as I do. Lyrics can be found here. The music video can be found here.
“I walk alone, I’m everything
My ears can hear and my mouth can speak
My spirit talks, I know my soul believes”
- “Trøllabundin” by Eivør Pálsdóttir
I discovered this song when I was reading about Norse mythology one night. I haven’t been able to stop listening to it since. The song doesn’t have any particular lyrics that deal with being stronger or rising from the ashes. This song, for me, is magical and helps me focus on the spiritual side of life. It isn’t in English, it is in Faroese (a language from the Faroe Islands off of Norway). Eivør has a beautiful, almost trance inducing voice. “Trøllabundin,” based on what I have read, is a folk song about being enchanted by a wizard. I highly recommend giving it a try. Lyrics and Video can be found here!
“Spellbound I am, I am
The wizard has enchanted me, enchanted me
Spellbound deep in my soul, in my soul
In my heart burns a sizzling fire, a sizzling fire”
- “The Dawn will Come” from Dragon Age Inquisition
At first I didn’t like this musical number in the beloved Dragon Age game series. I thought, at first, that is was out-of-place. But oh how I love it now. Not only is it a significant part in the game but it is a significant song in my life. It is very beautiful and even if you are not into video games, give it a listen. I have provided two different YouTube links – one is from the video game and another is a beautiful cover & music video. Here are the lyrics too.
“Shadows fall and hope has fled
Steel your heart, the dawn will come
The night is long and the path is dark
Look to the sky for one day soon
The dawn will come”
If you are having a difficult time and are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please do not hesitate to reach out. There are people who will help you. There are people who care. You are not alone. Please use these links to find help – here and here.
International? That is okay. Here is a list of countries with their corresponding suicide prevention hotlines.
Do you have any distractions that you recommend? Any songs that help you? Please share in the comments.